they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
