Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This house was built for laser tag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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