I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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