So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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