I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
