We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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