I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
