I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
