as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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