are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
