when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
