One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize