Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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