he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
