On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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