I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
