So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
