i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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