i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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