K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do herpes really smell.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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