neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
