Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
