I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
