Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
