Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
