All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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