I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
