She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
tell me about the eggs
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