If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
