i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
