yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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