we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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