On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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