I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
