oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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