Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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