I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't turn off my feet"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
