one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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