every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
