my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
