i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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