When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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