I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
