ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
