Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
