dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize