is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
