I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
