You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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