halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
