I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
