So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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