the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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