I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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