no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
