we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
