It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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