Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
