Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bring me that man meat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
