I wish I could teleport
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
