Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Houston, we have a blender
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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