im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So squirting runs in the family.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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