i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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