one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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