She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
