She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
